So today was Evan's Christmas celebration at school and Santa came to visit. Each of the kids in his class got to sit on Santa's lap to tell him what they wanted for Christmas. Evan has discovered Santa this year and was very excited to go to sit on Santa's lap. Yesterday at that therapy place they had a play and Santa was there and Evan headed right on over to see Santa and he even got a candy cane.
So on to today, he went right up to Santa and sat on his lap and then Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas so I had to tell Santa that Evan wanted a train from Thomas the Tank Engine. And of course Evan's disability put a damper on the event because my sweet boy could not tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas, it just made me so sad, I long to hear his voice and to know what is in his head. I was crying on the way home and mad at myself for being upset over this and then feeling like a failure because I need to be on anti-depressants to keep myself from staying in these down moods. Why can't I handle these situations, this is our life and these situations are going to be happening many times in the future.
We were sitting there and I saw his device and I thought I should put something on there for him to say, but Evan was the third kid to see Santa so I did not have time. But I am thinking of taking him to see the mall santa and then videotaping him using his talker to tell Santa what he wants for Christmas. I think we will use it on Christmas to surprise the grandparents.
Sometimes I get so weary of this life, of the fighting for services or equipment, the stares, comments etc. sometimes I wish we could just go back to Italy where we were supposed to be, instead of being in freakin' Holland where life just sucks sometimes. I have been getting Christmas cards from people and I feel like all the kids in the pics that are close to Evan's age, give or take 6 months, look so much older than him. Can your child look delayed? I better just stop now because this is turning into a pity party for Stacy.
We are the Justinich Family- Rudy, Stacy, Cynthia, Gabriel and Evan. We talk about everyday life including the joys and heartaches of raising a child with special needs. We hope you enjoy our blog and learn something as well.
2 comments:
Stacy- there is nothing wrong with taking something to help you over the down times, I think a lot of us special needs parents do. DOn't kick yourself over it. Look at it this way, you're trying to make yourself feel better so you can take care of Evan to the best of your abilities. Do NOT feel like a failure, you are far from it!!! I think you should do exact what you said and have him take his device and tell Santa or take a photo of it. Don't be sad, Evan is wonderful.
He is an awesome kid and is doing so well, which is why I often feel guilty for my feelings. I know I will get over this hump to, sometimes I just wish I did not have to have help to do it. Thanks for the nice comment.
Post a Comment