I hate Seizures

Well, Evan had another seizure yesterday, this one was pretty mild for him. He was napping in his car seat and I was driving to my MIL's to go grocery shopping and I heard him do his gagging, and I thought "I hope he doesn't have a seizure in the car." Well we parked at the house and I was getting ready to make my shopping list while I waited for my MIL to get home from work, Evan was asleep so I did not want to get him out of the car. Well, scratch that plan because he started vomitting and I grabbed the closest thing with was my jacket. I did not notice any eye movements and he seemed mostly aware of what was going on so at first I did not think it was a seizure, but he was fine for the rest of the day and also fell asleep right after without complaining or anything, which is what he did on Thanksgiving, he did not cry about a headache as he has in the past. So needless to say I had to come home and wash his car seat cover, clothes and my jacket. Thank goodness my MIL had changes of clothes at her house. I also have to just add a big Thank you to Josie(my mil) for taking me shopping and to dinner after working 7 days this week. I know I am tired after a long day and yet she is always willing to do this for us.

So back to the seizure issue. I am frustrated that even with upping his meds and making sure we do not miss a dose( even though we normally don't) that he still had a seizure. I am glad it was a mild one. But the fact remains that it was still a seizure. I worried for so long that he would have them and then when started it was not too bad because he did not have them too often and they were not the Grand Mal seizures that I feared or did not involve any respiratory problems. Now that we have had a prolonged seizure I think that I can probably handle it if it happens again, as far as giving the diastat goes anyway. But I am more worried now that he only had 10 days in between seizures which is the least amount of time. I am sure he has had them more often but these are the ones that I notice and I think most of his activity happens when he is sleeping either waking up or going to sleep and not too mention the EEG showed the activity during sleep.
I don't think I will ever stop worrying about this issue. I remember before he had seizures I was so worried about them, that I just wanted him to start having them if that was supposed to happen so I could mark if off my list as something I dealt with. I am sure some special needs moms might understand this thinking. Now that I am dealing with them I feel just as unsure and scared as I did before. I wonder what this activity is doing to his brain and if it is impeding his development at all. We have a neurologist appt in January so hopefully we can do a repeat EEg and see if the medication is helping at all. I will have to say that he is finally sleeping through the night most nights and my next step is to get him in his own bed somehow.