Life and Times of the Justinich Family

So today was one of those days where the things that are deficient in my child just make me sad and angry to I guess in a way.

Evan had horseback therapy today, he did great. It is an hour drive from our house so we stopped at McDonalds on the way home. I am taking a nutrition class and trying to eat better so I told the kids that this was our last visit in a while because it is just way too many calories. Anyway to the whole point of my story.

We go into the play place and I was really excited actually because Evan was able to crawl up into the 2nd and 3rd levels of the structure. I think it was the way this one was set up but it is the first time he has not needed help or been too scared to go up higher. It was great. There were two other moms there and they had 4 kids between them. Two of the boys were brothers the older one probably no older than 6yrs and the little brother was probably no older than 4yrs. Anyway, the older brother was Dylan and the little brother was Evan. And they were playing and the older brother says "Come on Evan, let's go over here and play." and the little brother says "Ok, Dylan I'm coming." That just made me so sad because my boys will probably never be able to communicate that way. Don't get me wrong they do communicate in their own way and play together but Evan is really more like a 18-24 month old mentally not a child who is 3 months away from being 4 years old.

And I do not know if it is just me and if I am trying to see something that is not there, but I swear kids who do not know Evan, kids that are at the playground or a place like McDonald's treat Evan different and usually do not want to play with him, they sometimes leave the area and go do something else. Today the 4 kids that were there with 2 moms were riding on a tube thing that reminded me of a bolster type thing. Anyway they were straddling it and bouncing on it and some of the kids fell off and Evan saw what they were doing so he went over there and sat with the one remaining little boy(also named evan) and he started bouncing and imitating the noises that they were making. Well, the kids just looked at him like we did not invite you what are you doing in here, and then they walked out of the little area including the little boy that was sitting on it with him.

I have seen these looks before, it is like they just know something is not the same as them. I don't know if I am overreacting but I think I am just really protective of Evan when it comes to stuff like that, kids being mean or treating him differently.

Now, friends of people we know or other special needs kids and even some typical kids that he has played with are fine, it is usually kids in these types of group/community settings. I just dread the day when Evan notices something or at least shows that he notices. I just worry about this kind of stuff, especially with his probably not having a functional speech.

So here I was sitting in McDonalds watching the boys play and feeling sad about Evan and the fact that he is probably not going to talk and we still have so much more crap ahead of us, and also sad for my older son because he is missing out on some of the things he would be able to do with a typical brother. I feel like I am focusing on just the things that are not the typical way but there are so many great things that go on with Gabe and his brother.

Like I said it is one of those days when my thoughts turn more to the negative than the positive. One of those days when dealing with the heartaches of a special needs child seems to magnify more than the joys. Thanks for listening.